Alcoholism was a lonely business. We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others. We tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.
When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life, my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain. It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.
My mother passed away two months ago, and the loss is indescribable. It has created a seismic shift in my life. Yet I am not alone, even when my head tells me that I am. I have had mother figures surrounding me since the day I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. The love and support I am receiving since her passing is still carrying me.
Living alone with our pressing problems proved too much for us. Without king alcohol, we were doomed to either mental wards or suicide. The blessing is that Alcoholics Anonymous satiated the vacuum I tried to fill with drinking. This is a “we” program for a reason. Alcoholics cannot go through life alone and once in the loving arms of AA, there is no reason to ever be alone again. Let us love you until you can love yourself is one of the first mantras I heard when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, and it applies as much today as it did 30 years ago. I am so grateful for this fellowship, this way of life, and the tools I have which allow me to navigate the stormy seas of life. The emptiness I tried to numb with drinking has been filled. I am not on this path alone; none of us are.Share post