We’re not a glum lot…so here’s a little humor for today’s post.
1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
3. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
4. We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. Evening news is when they begin with, Good Evening, and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.
7. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal ideas from many people is research.
8. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says ‘In case of emergency please notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
9. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
10. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
11. You can ask God for a bike, but God doesn’t really work that way. Maybe it’s more effective to steal the bike and ask God for forgiveness.
12. You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
14. To be sure of hitting your target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
16. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you’re wishing they were.
17. I have always taken life with a grain of salt. I also used to take it with a slice of lime and a shot of tequila.
18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.
Happy Wednesday. It’s not always about serious. Sometimes we have to crack a smile and just keep trudging.
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